Lindsay Writes

Let’s bring back mourning clothes.

You know, those black outfits that Regency era people would wear for up to a year following the death of a loved one?

I have a couple solid reasons for this.

1. When you’re mourning someone, the clothes you wear take on the feelings you’re experiencing. That blue dress has become a living monument to one of the worst days of my life. If we set aside certain clothes for our grief, we avoid the taint of sadness on our more joyful clothes.
2. Decision making is terrible when you’re grieving. You’re overwhelmed, or you don’t care. Either way, you don’t want to make a decision. Black shirt again today? Perfect.
3. Mourning clothes will again be a signal to the broader world to treat those in mourning gently. Why is that woman crying in front of the Cap’n Crunch in the cereal aisle? Oh, I see she’s in mourning clothes. Let me give her grace and treat her gently.

When I was deep in a season of grief a few years ago, I wore the same earrings every single day.

They were small and simple earrings. Birds. Each bird faced a different direction. Sometimes the birds were facing in toward me, others days, out toward the world. But every single day, they were my symbol, my reminder – God saw me, and cared for me personally.

I anchored my comfort on this Bible passage:

What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.  And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

Right now, I’m experiencing deep sadness over the sudden and unexpected loss of a close family friend. He was 45, and left behind his wife of almost 20 years and two children who are still teenagers.

We’re all just… utterly devastated.

Maybe we don’t clothe ourselves in black anymore. Maybe we don’t broadcast our grief to the world. But let yourselves grieve, friends. Let’s cling to earrings, and old shirts, and long-forgotten birthday cards and let the tears come. Let’s wrap arms around each other while our shoulders shake with sorrow. More than anything, let’s draw near to God, and allow Him to sit with us in our sadness, and comfort us in the darkest corners of our hurt. Until a still small voice helps us to remember down to the very tips of our toes: there will never be any grave clothes in heaven.